....why?

Sometimes I wish I was more... more thin, more pretty, more outgoing, more mature, more "like the other girls." I know this is a wrong attitude, but it's just come to my attention that I am certainly not what I thought I would be at this age. I guess that's okay?! Life doesn't come with blueprints. There's just something I would love to have right now so bad that I almost can't stand it. It's a feeling I have felt before, I admit that... but it seems so much more different. I think it is because I WANT it in my life now... I'm ready to move on. I want this part of my life to start.

.... And it would seem so perfect if it all fell into place like I want it to....

But, I have this aching feeling in the back of my mind that I'll never have ...this... because for reasons I can't help...

It won't want me.

Maybe.

I just want to cry.